The Fellowship: Hike Till Your Kidneys Stop

On the morning of the third day we looked to the east for David the white wizard. He must have missed the bus or something because he didn’t show.

The day dawned bright and sunny and we were psyched to find the back way over the mountains. After some breakfast we broke camp and started to walk up hill to the plateau that would lead us back to the car. At the top of the slope we stopped so I could rest a bit. I was feeling queasy and sure enough I booted all over Mother Nature. I was sad. Dave and Craig were surprised. Mother Nature was nonplussed. The climb had me breathing hard which pushed my breakfast back up. It happens on occasion. Well, nothing to do about it so we continued on above the Deer Havens and into the deep of the range. It was easier going as we walked along the ridge line looking for a way up the cliffs to our left. Craig was the scout as we searched for the promised path, scrambling like Gollum over all obstacles.

After about two hours of climbing and searching we reached the plateau shown on the map. It was high up but not flat, crisscrossed with eroded gaps and holes. We found endless draws and gullies that sapped our strength and barred the way to the parking lot. There was no way we were going to go over these mountains. Every time we got to the top of a ravine we found another ravine. They were too tall and too crumbly and full of ravines. Treacherous to us with our packs and tired feet. We would have to go around them, back the way we came in. It was a hard decision to leave adventure behind, but we all agreed it wouldn’t be so fun if we got all the way in and then had to come back out again. The prospect of so much extra walking/climbing made me want to vomit again. We turned around at about 10 am. It was nice to know exactly where we were going for a change. There was much rejoicing.

The sun grew high as we retraced our steps of day before. Down the ledge to the fence, through the bull field, and a long hike around the mountains. It was hot and we were running out of water. Not a good combination. By now I was dehydrated and feeling pretty crappy. We were forced to stop a few times so I could catch my wind and rest. As a bonus, we found a faint trail that led us on a straight route back to the car. The way we came in was long and winding, and I for one didn’t want to walk that much to get back. Here was where we really began to feel it from the relentless heat. There was no shade anywhere! The sun just poured itself upon us, baking us along with the rest of the landscape. What a relief when we topped a small rise and saw the Toilet building! I for one have never been so relieved to see a toilet… except for this once in Mexico…

We were all exhausted when we reached the car. Fortunately we had left some Gatorade and half a gallon of water in the car. It was grand despite its having been in the heat! We drank our fill and more. I was feeling crappy, tired and nauseous. I wanted a nap and a shower. Our new plan was to go out and see Mount Rushmore that afternoon and then get a hotel near the airport for the night. Maybe gamble a little at the casinos that were everywhere in Rapid City. The first stop was to the lodge to get some lunch at the restaurant there. During that ride I couldn’t even get out of the car for the scenic overlooks.

By the time we got to the lodge I was lightheaded all the time and really feeling bad. I managed to walk into the restaurant and sit down, then my stomach began the countdown to regurgitation and I had to move fast to make it to the bathroom. I passed Dave coming out as I went in. He’s lucky he didn’t have to go after me! I think I scared one of the gift shop cashiers as I blew chunks in the stall. OW! It came with a whole body cramp! Yipes! There was no way I could stand without having some muscle Charlie horse on me. I went outside to lie down and stretch out the cramps, which helped for a bit. Then I threw up again. I instantly regretted that decision. More full body cramps! Bad news for me hurts so much! This is the worst pain ever! By now it was clear that I needed help. I was rolling on the ground moaning.

We called a park Ranger. I figured I was dehydrated and had heat exhaustion. Hopefully the Ranger could hook me up to an IV of saline and I’d be good to go. Unfortunately they didn’t have that skill. You need to be an EMT 1 to do IV’s, and the park only had basic EMTs. So a call went out to get a paramedic who could start the IV. That meant I would have to visit an emergency room somewhere. We decided to go straight to Rapid City, since we were originally heading in that direction anyway. As we waited for the ambulance we learned that Gatorade is too strong for your system if you are in water deficiency. It’s just right if it’s mixed half and half with water. The ranger told us that he learned that while working on a forest fire crew. I had drunk a whole bottle as soon as I hit the car about an hour earlier. Doh!

The Kadoka ambulance arrived and I promptly Ralphed, just so they knew who the patient was. I got a trip up to the Rapid City Regional Hospital with Gary and Amy the paramedics. The paramedics started the IV in the back of the truck and felt much better. I was laid out on the gurney trying not to move so I wouldn’t cramp up again. Dave rode shotgun up front with the talkative driver. Craig followed us all the way in the gold rental car from Idaho. The paramedic noticed his driving skill, “That guys got a lead foot!”


Here I am looking hale and hearty at the start of the days journey. Love the hat!


Laying in the shade trying not to cramp or vomit. Notice Dave eating french fries.


The Park Rangers are on the Scene, but not to the rescue. Notice Dave still eating french fries.


Behold the Kadoka Ambulance!


Dave riding shotgun in the ambulance, still eating french fries. Where did he get so many?


Craig's eye view of the Ambulance chase out of the badlands. That guys got a lead foot! Yes, he's driving while taking the picture.